My last two weeks have been strange. For about a week, I felt completely disconnected from myself. I didn't really know what to do with myself; I felt empty. I slept, walked, slept, ate - no inspiration, no desire to do anything. I tried to do something, to force myself, but nothing worked. I felt uncomfortable during that time, and I became a bit frustrated with this break. Sometimes a person is simply not creative and just needs a break.
It's natural to have periods of inaction. However, my attempts and efforts to continue things according to my expectations ended with me falling ill.
I wasn't physically able to do anything; I had an enforced break. That's how it goes - either we let go peacefully and allow for integration, or we'll be forced into it by illness.
Now I'm slowly getting back to myself, and I can see that everything has accelerated greatly. My mind simply can't process information fast enough, and if we also want to organize it in the way we knew before, it becomes overwhelming.
I would say that the present time is a lesson in living with real chaos. Because chaos is not something wrong; it's simply things that our minds temporarily cannot interpret or label it. It’s not a bad thing.
It is a natural human mechanism to do something when we have an idea or inspiration. We immediately try to assign it somewhere, fit it into a category, and store it in a specific drawer. But now, everything is coming from all possible directions, and those drawers are lacking. The mind is terrified and overwhelmed by the influx of information.
Beyond linearity
Furthermore, living in a linear fashion has become progressively challenging for me. Whenever someone inquires about my future plans, I find myself bursting into laughter because I genuinely don't know. The concept of my future doesn't align with the conventional understanding, as I perceive it as branching out in numerous directions simultaneously. I am embraced by multiple potential futures and possibilities, and I am not obligated to commit forcefully to any specific path. The freedom to change my mind and explore different avenues is a liberating aspect of this multifaceted existence.
Freedom of choice
And you know what? That is freedom. We don't have to be tied to a single linear story; we can have many of them, and we can change them. We don't have to be consistent to continue something just because we chose it in the past. More and more people are starting to live with an expanded consciousness and perception of reality. It might create confusion, anxiety. Some people feel lost and disoriented in these times.
Many relationships, organisations and families break apart because stories are being released, and people become free. They can choose new things; they don't have to forcefully cling to old obligations, karma, or vows.
So, what should one do with this information? How does one effectively embrace the chaos and navigate through change?
The fundamental thing is, when you find yourself in chaos, not knowing how to put the pieces together, feeling confused and disoriented, it's all okay.
It's a temporary state. It's simply a time to realize that this is the time of chaos, expansion, and new possibilities. It’s time to relax, take your time and be good for yourself.
You don't have to go through the same illness as I did; you don't have to resist it. It's best if you don't do anything about it. This is the moment when we need to receive, and receiving means that we don't plan to receive in a specific place or specific things. We don't assign or choose what we want to receive because the human brain is incapable of interpreting that.
So receiving is about allowing, and we receive without labeling it, without agenda, without a specific drawer. It's similar to downloading large compressed files from the internet. We choose a location on the disk, create space for it, wait for the file to download. We don't know what's inside until it finishes downloading, and then we can unpack and explore its contents.
Yes, if the file is large and we are unaware of its contents, it may take some time. But until it finishes downloading, you don't have to worry about anything; just simply wait. And it's best if you don't have to fall ill during this time.
You know, sometimes I catch a glimpse of what's downloading, but it's like fast-forwarding a movie. Not everything is immediately understandable; there are strange things, unfamiliar experiences that we may not fully comprehend at first. However, it's important to remember that growth often happens through the exploration of the unknown and the embracing of uncertainty. These moments of learning and unlearning may challenge our existing beliefs and stretch our comfort zones. While it can be disorienting, it also presents an opportunity for personal evolution and a deeper understanding of ourselves and the world around us. So, let's embrace the process, even if it seems chaotic, and trust that it holds valuable lessons and transformative potential.
It is important that when we experience something like this, we take care of ourselves, observe with curiosity what is happening to us, but not necessarily try to immediately do something about it. It’s ok to be inactive and take your time.
All the best,
—Saint Egoist
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Very important point you share here. One thing I keep discovering from systems theory experts like Ilya Prigogine is that there is actually an underlying order to chaos; I imagine it is just that our awareness and perception cannot stretch to the capacity necessary to easily perceive it. Chaos can be a very good indicator that a phase shift is underway to a more complex and functional order or pattern. My perception is that ego cannot tolerate the uncertainty or loss of control, though, and fights against it. But I also believe the Shift in consciousness, that many of us our seeing, into a more "spiritual" state, is occurring just in time to help humanity make the transition more easily and also to be equipped for society's new format, still emerging.